Have you considered how vulnerable you are when you are sleeping? If you haven’t, please take a moment to do so.
To sleep is to hit the refresh button on your mind and body. Most will wake up feeling more energized, calmer and so forth after a short nap or sleeping a whole night. Some of us are not so lucky.
Sleeping = beauty
In the fairytale, the wicked witch cursed the innocent princess and she was doomed to sleep until true love woke her.
(A side notes: loved the interesting perspective on this story told in Malificent!)
Anyhow… the lovely princess is sleeping like the dead, waiting for love.
Her beauty, in the fairytale, is physical as well as suitable for the moralists. She is untouched, just waiting to blossom with the kiss from the perfect, loving person who will make sure she is happy and loved.
The vulnerable in sleep
Lots can be said about this fairytale, and I am disinclined to go into a long-assed dissection of this story.
My personal take on this story is that sleeping beauty is actually in hiding. She is using her soldiers and her kingdom to keep the world at bay. And she sleeps so she can limit the interaction necessary.
At the same time, she has let the door stand partly open. She is waiting for something special to happen, but as she is sleeping she has to trust that the witches spell will keep her safe.
Lost in the fairytale?
It may seem like I have gone off the deep-end, and truth to tell : it won’t be the first time.
But I am not just trapped in fairytales, for me this has a lot of truth too it. I was thinking about it the other day, about how hard it is to let somebody be close while I sleep.
I mean; give a guy a blowjob, fuck and all that fun stuff…. but sleep together? That is very different.
Sleep is precious to me, as it can at times be completely out of my control. So at first I thought, this was a new thing. Something that came with the ruined leg and constant pain.
Then I started thinking.
When I was a teenager, with my first crush and so forth, dozing and sleeping in the arms of a boyfriend was my favorite thing.
Granted, eventually sex also became a great thing. However, sleeping has remained special.
So I asked myself :
My answer is that when you sleep you are:
Not “interesting” as it is just you, no fancy talk or fancy moves
You have less control over your bodily function: you may snore, fart and drool
To sum it up: you trust another person to see the beauty and protect it in your sleep.
I know, I know. Somethings you sleep on the train on your way home, you sleep on a plane, you share a room with a colleague, and so forth.
Most manage to fall a sleep under those circumstances. The rest may not be excellent, but one do feel somewhat refreshed waking up.
I have largely lost that ability. I can, if I am exhausted, fall asleep in moving vehicles. I can also find some rest when sharing rooms with people I like and have fun with.
However, that is not the deep, healing and refreshing sleep of “sleeping beauty”.
That type of sleep I rarely experience in the presence of others any more. I used to, but that ability somehow got lost in time.
Of course it doesn’t help that I imitate an irritated bear when trying to find sleep. The pain is almost impossible to shut out when the lights go out. And as I hate interrupting other people’s sleep, I prefer to sleep alone.
But I have had times the last year where I have been able to sleep deeply, getting that healing sleep. It has slowly made me more aware of the fact that I am missing out by not managing to relax enough to “sleep” in the presence of others.
I can’t do much about the pain, that will be a problem for my sleep probably for the rest of my life.
However, I can decide to open up and relax more with others. I can decide to lay my head down and let somebody else be “awake” for some time.
I can go back to the teenage years where I would lie still while my friend or my boyfriend was watching tv and I just enjoyed resting against another.
Allow myself to feel the comfort of forgetting that I may drool, snore or that my fat belly will be even more visible.
Just let all the stress float away and do my best imitation of sleeping beauty.